CONNEAUT, OH—Tom Wolter, 45, has been through a lot in his life. After two divorces in the last 18 years, 6 changes in jobs, and the residents of his home frequently changing, Wolter's experience in this world is nothing short of a whirlwind of ups and downs, excitement and disappointment, joy and pain.
When he was 6 years old, Wolter's mother was hospitalized for mental health reasons for about 3 months, leaving him with his emotionally distant father. After just 3 weeks of living with his father and two sisters, his eldest sister ran away from home, and then his father moved him and the other sister to live with separate relatives until his mother was well.
He moved back home when his mother was ready, and then his father changed jobs, requiring him to be out of the home for weeks at a time, and then home for weeks.
Such has been the pattern of Mr. Wolter's life. There is no stability: things are in a constant state of flux.
However, whereas most people would find this sort of uncertainty troubling, Mr. Wolter has clung to what he can to get the sense of normalcy. He is comforted by the fact that, no matter what else happens, there will always be a steady stream of dirty dishes waiting for him in the sink.
"I suppose it was back in 6th grade or so when I first started to take comfort in a sink full of greasy dishes," shared Mr. Wolter. "My best friend had just moved to China, my band teacher had been kidnapped by the Cartel, and the hotel we had been staying in for the last 5 days had burned down. I ended up in a temporary foster home with a family, and the only thing I recognized in that place was the kitchen sink."
He explained that the piles of plates and bowls with dried-on egg yolk, butter, and other foods gave him a sense of belonging.
"Any time I started to panic about where I would be sleeping that night, or which adult role models would still be in my life the next morning, I just would go and get my hands wet and soapy, and start scraping off some crusted-on pizza sauce from a plate. It became my safe place, there in front of the sudsy water."
Even now, in middle age, Wolter has not seen his dog in 2 weeks, has been involved in only seasonal employment, can't seem to find his favorite soda in any local grocery store, and is currently awaiting the verdict for his trial for second-degree murder (for which he maintains his innocence), he says that he takes comfort knowing that at any moment, he can gaze into his kitchen sink to see several used dishes that depend upon him to become clean.