GRAND FORKS, ND—After a grueling day at his place of employment as an information technologies technician, local resident Peter Russell hoped to relax in his two-bedroom apartment with a hot meal in front of an episode or two of his favorite show. Unfortunately, his plans for the evening did not quite turn out the way he had hoped.
"It all started when I visited the grocery store on Tuesday," the 29-year-old explained. "I had been sort of bored with my normal microwave dinners and eating out, so I thought I would branch out a little. I came across the frozen burritos and thought I could use a little culture in my life."
Russell reported that he purchased four different varieties of frozen burrito from a company called Casa del Sol. "It sounded really authentic. There was even a picture of a little sombrero on the package, so I figured it was smooth sailing from there," said the graduate of the University of Wisconsin.
When he retrieved one of the burritos from his freezer on Wednesday night, he decided to put in a little more effort than usual to make it special. "It had microwave directions on the package, but it said 'For best results' above the conventional oven directions, so I thought I'd show it a little TLC, and it would really pay off."
Russell revealed that he answered emails and changed into more comfortable clothes during the 48 to 52 minutes waiting for his meal to be adequately heated, and then he got his plate set up in front of his streaming show while letting it cool. "I had my fork, a knife, an even some Doritos along with a class of Dr. Pepper. I was ready."
He pressed the play button and then anxiously bit into the burrito, at first unsure of whether the flavor met his expectations. His second bite, however, confirmed that, despite promises of being transported "south of the border," the bean and cheese burrito did not quite tantalize his taste buds as he had hoped.
"I'll admit, I was pretty bummed out," shared Russell, who is currently single, but hoping to ask out coworker Dana in the next couple of weeks. "I mean, for $1.20, you expect to be in for a world of flavor."
Specifically, Russell found the tortilla to be a little dry, and thought that the beans could have used some salt, and something that he could not quite put his finger on until later. "I think if I had had some salsa to put on it, that would have really kicked that puppy into the next level."
As for the remaining 3 burritos still awaiting their time to shine for Mr. Russell, the man destined to consume them plans to "try melting cheese on them, and maybe microwave it first, to keep the moisture there, but then throw it in the oven for a few minutes to give it that little toasted edge." He has also purchased a 4 ounce container of sour cream, for which he has high expectations.
"I think we're going to launch the beta test on Friday," he tantalized.
The Colon will live-tweet Russell's meal @thecolonnews.