MORGANTOWN, WV—Witnesses confirmed on Monday morning that the person in the next lane on your commute, who is driving just 3 mph faster than you, is, in fact, also better than you.
Although you may take care to drive the speed limit, which is clearly posted and agreed upon by law-abiding citizens of the area, because the person in the other lane had to tap gently on his brakes as he approached you from behind before swerving into the other lane without signaling, you are in the wrong. In fact, witnesses further question your right to even be behind the wheel and occupy a lane at all, when someone so much better and more qualified for driving is also on the road.
"What's the matter with you?" added witnesses.
Experts concur that it is inappropriate for you to believe that you have a right to use even the rightmost lane, despite your questionable inherent worth as a human being. They further agree that if you knew anything about the person in the other lane—literally anything—you would feel ashamed and horrified by maintaining a steady speed and keeping both eyes on the road during your commute to your job. No matter how important your work may be, the other person's is far superior, of greater societal value, and every second that person is delayed getting to their place of employment is nothing short of a travesty.
"How dare you?" questioned the other drivers.
Any rational person would have remained off the road entirely, or at least have walked those 6 miles to work, as the risk of you being in that other person's way is beyond redemption. The other driver's ability to maintain uninterrupted velocity is immeasurably more important than your safety or the safety of the other drivers. In fact, were you or anyone to be harmed as a result of the other person's swift lane change and failure to check their blind spot, it would be incomparable to the loss brought about by that person's delay of a few minutes to their destination.
"Are you happy now?" queried experts.
Fortunately for you, there is one way to somehow achieve the status and recognition worthy only of that other driver. The secret is to exert slightly more pressure on your gas pedal. However, experts and witnesses doubt you have the courage, the stamina, and the sheer willpower.
"You're pathetic," exclaimed all other drivers.