LUBBOCK, TX—In a blatant display of defiance on Wednesday, the alleged devourer of a chocolate cupcake with cream cheese frosting showed no remorse for the act of which he is accused.
Auto salesman Ryan Clayton, 28, was brought in for questioning in relation to the cupcake's disappearance late Tuesday afternoon, after he was the last person known to be with the baked dessert. It had been placed in the refrigerator of his place of work, a Mitsubishi dealership, by coworker Brenda Fawson, 33, who planned to retrieve it during her break at 4:30 p.m. Unfortunately, the rendezvous never took place.
"I was just devastated," explains Fawson, who averages 6 sales per week. She tearfully described what happened, saying "I was just so confused at first, and then when I discovered its liner, just so casually discarded in the trash bin like it was nothing - that's when I knew."
Authorities quickly narrowed down the suspect list to Clayton, who has a reputation for having a sweet tooth. "He has a prior record of similar confectionery consumption," revealed security guard Tyrone Douglass, 41. "Last year at Sandy's [Constantine, 39,] birthday, he had at least 4 helpings of her birthday cake. Snuck one away for later, too, near as I could tell."
Although Clayton initially refused to cooperate with the investigation, he broke his silence Wednesday under intense questioning from Douglass. Douglass elaborated, "I started out asking pretty casually about if he'd seen the cupcake. He admitted that he had, but I had to press him a little about what he thought about it. I made it seem like I wouldn't blame him if he ate it, you know, a sweet little thing like that."
Clayton reportedly took some time before eventually commenting, "You ask me, that little cupcake was asking for it. I mean, I seen [sic] it in there, all decorated like that with little sprinkles or whatever. And the way it had its frosting all perked up—don't tell me it didn't know what it was doing."
Douglass wiped some sweat from his forehead before continuing with his description of Clayton's remarks. "What, am I supposed to just ignore that cream cheese aroma? I've got appetites, just like anybody else. You can't expect to look that good and not get a bite taken out of you. It was inevitable. Somebody was bound to do it sooner or later."
At this point, Douglass reports that Clayton was becoming visibly agitated, yelling as he spoke. He is alleged to have stated, "You wanna know if I ate it? You wanna know? You're damn right I ate that sweetcake! And you know what? It was just what that little thing needed!"
Douglass explains, "That was all the evidence I needed. I told Brenda [Fawson] what had happened, and she just lost it."
"I was glad to have closure," shares Fawson. "But I don't know if I'll ever feel safe bringing another cupcake into this place. I just feel so responsible. It was too soon! Too soon!"
Clayton has since issued an apology to Fawson and all other employees of the dealership in a company-wide email. He has committed to a sugar-free diet for the next 3 months, stating that he "need[s] help." Coworkers are skeptical that he will follow through with his promise.
"It's a scary world out there," added Douglass. "Time was, you could take a whole sheet cake into work and nobody'd bother it until after the candles were blown. These days, I don't know. Seems like bakers gotta keep their eyes on their goodies all the time."
As of press time, the county's year-to-date count for baked goods that have gone missing without a trace was 212.