Automatic Toilet Jumps Gun

LA GRANGE, IL—Library patron Bailey Taggart, 28, was taken by surprise on Monday during a routine visit to the ladies' room.

"I perused some books for a few minutes and checked what new releases they had in the movie section, and when I was about done I figured that I should use the restroom before getting back on the road," the paralegal explained.

"I live about 10 minutes from the library, but after what happened I wish I had just held it until then," she added.

According to library patrons on the second floor during the event in question, about 2 minutes after Taggart entered the women's restroom, they heard a shriek of surprise. "Sounds like ol' Bessie got another one," commented library worker Yolanda Garrett.

Taggart says, "I sat down and did my business, and then leaned ever so slightly to my left to reach for the roll of toilet paper and, well, that's when it happened."

The young woman related that the toilet upon which she was sitting was equipped with a motion sensor that controlled the device's flushing mechanism: a common feature of modern public toilets. This particular sensor, however, is known to regular library patrons to have a hair trigger, and its high water pressure causes what they refer to as "splatter."

"Before I could tear off a few squares of paper," explained Taggart, who writes a weekly blog reviewing movies, "I heard the water start to shift. It was like it happened in slow motion. It donned on me that the toilet was starting to flush, even though I hadn't yet stood up. I didn't know what to do. I didn't think I should stand up suddenly before, you know, cleaning up. I just froze, closed my eyes, and clenched my teeth as the toilet started its flushing cycle."

Taggart's worst fears were realized as her bare skin was spattered with cold, uncaring water and her own very diluted urine.

"I shuddered deep within my soul, and not just because it was cold," added Taggart.

She explains that she carefully leaned over to tear off more toilet paper, cleaned herself up the best she could, and then thoroughly washed her hands before leaving the restroom. Once she exited, several library workers and patrons met her gaze with a knowing, sympathetic look. "We've all been into that stall one time or another. The trick is to obstruct the sensor dealy," explained Garrett.

"Poor thing," she added.

Ms. Taggart reported that she thoroughly showered upon her return home, and vowed to be more cautious in the future. She suggests putting a warning sign on the stall door, though the library director, a man, does not seem to understand the gravity of the situation.

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