PARSIPPANY, NJ—Earlier this year, Birds Eye Brand—known previously for its humble ambition of “helping people eat more vegetables”—began a new marketing campaign and slogan that coincided with the release of several new frozen vegetable offerings. However, not everyone is impressed with the campaign or even sure what the new slogan, “Birds Eye for the Straight Guy,” means.
“I have been trying for years to get my children to eat more healthfully,” Sally DeChevy, 32, a widow with three children, reported. “But I’m not really sure what type of message Birds Eye is trying to send to me or my children. I mean, I’m trying to raise them to be good Christians and it’s unclear if this has anything to do with that Queer Eye for the Straight Guy show that used to be on TV a number of years back. My kids are still so young, I don’t know if they’re ready yet for such a mature conversation.” Other demographics were similarly confused. Devin McGregor, 24, a straight, single grad student from Brooklyn, had much to say on the matter.
“Yeah, the [Birds Eye for the Straight Guy] commercials are obviously referencing the Queer Eye show. You know, I’ve liked both the show and the vegetables in the past but I’m not sure if this catchphrase means that veggies are specifically for straight guys only or if gays are supposed to have them, too.” Devin put up his hands defensively before continuing.
“Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got plenty of gay friends and I totally support them: one hundred percent, man. I would probably eat the Birds Eye vegetables just to show them support but, then again, I wouldn’t want them to think that I’m too into those vegetables, if you get my meaning. Maybe I’ll eat some if they happen to be serving them. I don’t know, man; maybe I’m not supposed to?”
Birds Eye has offered little explanation of the marketing move, though Peter Jarvis, 29, a junior marketing assistant for the company did provide some comments.
“Yeah, I must not have been very clearheaded that day,” Jarvis said. “I’m surrounded by these veggies all day and that just makes me crave more meat, which I fill up on and makes me kind of sleepy. I must have been groggy when I proposed the idea… or was I the one who approved it? Anyway, it sounded like a good idea at the time. Wait a minute, I think that I should have consulted with legal or PR before meeting with you guys…”
Numerous gays, lesbians, straights, Caucasians, African Americans, and others from all demographics across the nation remain perplexed as to whether they are in the appropriate target market or whether they should purchase the frozen bagged vegetable brand. Meanwhile, vegetable consumption in the nation remains unchanged and the company has not responded to requests for further comment.