HOLLAND, MI—Men's restroom patrons at a local 7-Eleven convenience store were frustrated and disappointed as they perused the stall walls this last week. This particular location is known among the locals to be a hub of rage, brooding, and explicit material scratched into or drawn onto the walls. It is not unusual for one's visit to this restroom to include coming into contact with various political statements, Satanic or national socialist symbols, and the never-in-short-supply crudely drawn phalli. Whereas such material may shock and surprise many a customer elsewhere, this week, many were dumbfounded to find the marks of an ostensibly rookie vandal decorating the restroom walls.
One witness, John Mackie, 22, describes his experience on Wednesday afternoon. "So, I go in there just about every day to pick up a Dr. Pepper on my way home from work. I don't go into the crapper every time, of course, but that day I had something goin' on downstairs, if you know what I mean. Probably some bad chicken from lunch earlier. Anyway, so I'm sittin' there, doin' my business, and I'm lookin' over them [sic] walls for somethin' to tickle my funny bone. There's an old rhyme about takin' a crap, and some phone numbers if you['re] lookin' for some male companionship or whatever. Then I see this sticky note up there. I mean, my first thought was, who the hell gonna put a sticky note up to tag the men's room? Then I read it, and man, I just scratched my head the rest of the time I was on that seat."
The note Mr. Mackie described read "What an inappropriate shade of paint!"
The landscaper and irrigation specialist continued, "What? You call that taggin' the men's room? This guy must be messed up in the head. He gots [sic] to be new to this whole thing!"
It is customary when one vandalizes or "tags" a men's public restroom to be as sexually graphic or suggestive as possible, or at least to use as much offensive profanity as can fit in the available space on the wall. It was, therefore, not only unusual to find that this mystery contributor had left a comment that did not fit the normal criteria of the genre, but that he also made it using an easily removed paper note.
"Dude has got to be trippin'," added Mackie.
The manager of the store in which the note was found reported that he has since then removed the mildly offensive note with minimal effort, and then on the following day found another one in the same style. "I went in just to restock the paper towels, and there was another sticky note up there on the wall," explained Harold Yorke, 38. "This one said, 'Cinnamon air freshener? Are you kidding?' Now I have dealt with some offensive graffiti in my time, but what is the entertainment value of that? If you have a complaint about the air freshener, just come on out and tell me."
As for how to deal with the clearly confused would-be vandal, the community has no immediate plans. "We figure that we'll just keep an eye on this one," says Yorke, who has managed this store since 2012. "I figure if he doesn't get his act together soon, we may just have to paint over the walls entirely. Maybe that will discourage him from leaving any more notes."