FRESNO, CA—Local patrons of the men's restroom at family restaurant Joe's Crab Shack have been through a variety of emotions over the last three days. It was reported to The Colon earlier this week that there was an M&M candy on the floor of the restroom, between two of the stalls. This candy-coated chocolate treat is alleged to be in pristine condition, calling into question the circumstances that led to its abandonment. Several witnesses offered their theories.
"I'm sure this was some kind of accident," explains Michael Fletcher, 28, who was visiting the restaurant while on his fourth date with a romantic interest. "I mean, your first clue is that it's a blue one. Those are like the elites of the M&M world. No way that somebody just tossed it aside. That baby was dropped."
Tony Ramirez, 33, cast doubt upon the Accidental Drop Theory. He happened upon the candy piece after completing a plate of breaded shrimp and "want[ing] to make room for dessert." He argues, "Who eats M&Ms while they're pushing one out on the can, right? I'm guessing that the candy fell out of a pocket while the dude's pants were hanging around his knees, and he didn't even notice."
"Poor sap," he added.
More than one of the restroom's visitors admitted feeling tempted at the sight of the sweet upon first glance. "Your first instinct when you see one of those [M&Ms] is to gobble it up, but as soon as the thought crossed my mind, I was like, 'But it's the floor of a public crap house, bro,'" shared Xu Jin, a 21-year-old regular at the eatery. "What a shame...such a waste."
Another offered a theory that the candy is actually a misleading malformation of a peanut-centered M&M, which would explain why it was discarded. "Yeah, it's not that I would just go tossing them out, but I've eaten my share of peanut M&Ms over the years, and every now and then you do come upon one that has no peanut in it. Now me, I personally just pop it right in with another candy, because it's just more chocolatey, but people are crazy, man. I can totally see some maniac in here, checking for some spinach in his teeth or whatever, going for a peanut M&M, and coming across one of those peanut-less runts, and just tossing it away in disgust," offers Jake Talmage, 30, who came to the establishment to apply for a cook's position.
Still, it seemed that each new patron who visited the restroom had a unique theory. Jeffery Porter, 29, a busboy who has worked at this Joe's Crab Shack since 2016, said that he noticed the M&M when he came to work on the previous day, but "didn't have the heart to just throw it in with the floor sweepings. It just didn't feel right, I guess."
Most patrons are saddened at the lost candy piece, and others think it is perhaps time that it get picked up, though it seems no one has the gumption to do it. Although its origins may be a mystery that never gets resolved, talk of the tragic end to this candy is likely to continue for days or even weeks.