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  • Writer's pictureTodd Blankenship

Area Man Inexplicably Chooses Middle Urinal



WACO, TX—Peter Leav

itt, curator of the Texas Ranger Hall of Fame and Museum and longtime Waco resident, frequented his favorite Whataburger yesterday during his lunch hour, according to Colon ̶h̶i̶d̶d̶e̶n̶ ̶c̶a̶m̶e̶r̶a̶s̶ sources. Due to mounting pressure in his bladder after consuming his usual Jalapeno and Cheese #4 Whataburger combo with a 32 oz. Diet Dr. Pepper, Leavitt entered the restroom per his normal routine at 1:38, where he found Garrett Jorgensen, 38, occupying the middle urinal of the three provided by the restaurant.

“It was like when you get that feeling that something really bad is gonna happen, and you don't quite know why. I just froze. I could tell that something was off, but it took me a while to figure it out,” said Leavitt, recalling the events of that traumatic afternoon. "When it finally clicked, I almost let it out right there on the floor I was so nervous." Darting his eyes back and forth between the urinals, the single occupied stall, and the restroom door, Leavitt weighed his options, wrestling simultaneous impulses to go in the sink, "just get it over with," and retreat to the relative safety of an empty water bottle in his car. He waited for what felt like “several hours” for Jorgensen to finish while crippled by indecision, but finally could not bear the veritable geyser building up inside.

“I knew it would be weird if I sidled on up and peed next to him, but all that soda had to come out sometime!” With Jorgensen showing no signs of leaving and the tension of the room “tearing [Leavitt] apart,” he moved to the urinals himself. “I had to. Somebody was already in the only stall, so I… I had no choice, you understand,” remarked Leavitt, a quiver creeping into his voice. He took a faltering step toward the left urinal, lowered his head and let out a quick breath before slowly stepping to the side of Jorgensen.

Baylor University’s Professor of Psychology Doctor Earl Rasmussen reports, “I really feel for Peter. There is nothing quite so devastating and emasculating, really, as being stripped of control over one's situation in such a sudden and real way. In all my years of research, I don’t think I’ve ever seen social victimization on such a devastating level…. Only a person with clinical societal ineptness or some sort of sadistic tendencies would ever willingly take the middle stall when given a choice.” Robert Vance, who occupied the toilet during the entire event, recalls “There were a couple other guys in there while I was on the pot, and I didn't think anything of it at the time. But then, [Jorgensen] says ‘How are ya’ or something like that, and my heart drops. I thought he was talking to me for a second, but then I remembered the poor soul who was plunged into a living hell out there with him.”

Sudden introduction into such a high-stress environment took its toll on Leavitt, whom store manager William Thurgood discovered sobbing in a ball on the floor just outside the restroom, trembling violently at 1:42. “I can only imagine what he must be going through. This kind of trauma will take months, maybe even years of therapy for poor Peter to overcome. My biggest hope is that we can find the guy responsible and help him, so that this sort of thing doesn’t happen again.” Jorgensen, referred to as “Big Rig” by friends and associates, was unavailable for comment at press time.

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