Honorary Star Fleet Academy cadet Ned Harris finally made it to that big star ship in the sky on Monday of this week. Ned mistakenly wore a red shirt when going on an outing with his more popular and well-liked friends. Not surprisingly, as soon as something went wrong, Ned was the only one harmed.
Ned's family and friends will remember him as dedicated to the aims of seeking out new life and new civilizations, boldly going where no one has gone before. He liked to wander around places and watch people, but always from a distance, and he would insist that to meet anyone would violate the "Prime Directive."
His loved ones have announced that his service will include placing his body in a hollowed out photon torpedo tube. Due to the extreme cost, rather than launching the tube into space as Ned would have wanted, it will be catapulted into a ravine to symbolize his launch into the great unknown.
Ned left all of his valuables, approximately $32,000 worth of Star Trek memorabilia, to his friends. Some of the items will be on display at a reception following the service, including one of the original tribbles used in the classic episode of the original series. He often would sleep with the tribble wrapped in his arms.
Attendees are asked to wear full Star Trek costume to the services, as per Ned's wishes. Some of the remarks will be given in Klingon, and translation services will not be provided.
In lieu of flowers, Ned's parents have asked that donations be made in Ned's name to the Star Trek Addiction Recovery program in Memphis.