We, the drinking buddies of the late James "Jimmy" Scalioni are super bummed to let yous know that he kicked the bucket the other day. I guess 53 years of stuffing spaghetti and meatballs down your pie hole ain't the healthiest thing.
Well anyways, Jimmy had a kid or two, I think. He was married to a real nice dame, too. I met her a couple of times and she was really something. "Harriet," or "Teresa" or something like that. Don't know if his parents are around anymore or anything.
There's gonna be a real nice shindig for Jimmy on Thursday at 1:00, and everybody who knew him can come and pay their respects. Though, to be honest, I can't say that any of his drinking buddies are thinking of going. I mean, that's right during a couple of the ball games going on for the whole March Madness. Jimmy was big into college ball, you get what I'm sayin'? He for sure wouldn't have wanted to bum out his buddies by making them miss the games and go see his big hairy corpse. And that's what this is all about, right—what Jimmy would've wanted.
So, like, if yous don't got any plans at 1:00 on Thursday, come on by the church about then, and wear somethin' nice. Me, I got $50 riding on the game, and if I win, I'll put some real nice flowers on Jimmy's grave, hand to God.