Hey babes. I am so glad to be writing again! I just got back from Jamaica where I was supposed to attend this awesome Fyre Festival. Turns out I really got my dates wrong, though. What a miserable vacay, right? Oh well.
Anyway, I was super bored on the plane back, so I decided to kill some time sifting through your letters, and found one that that could really use a response. M.T. from the southwest is in a real predicament. She writes,
"Cassie, I [simply worship you! You have no idea how beloved and adored you are by people all over the world. Please don't ever change a thing. Well, I] have got a bit of a doozy for you. So, a few years back I met this nice older man, and he was just so smart and spiritual. Anyway, long story short, now I am pretty sure I am in a cult. The Holy One would be so miffed if He found out I was writing this, but I am not so sure I want to be in this cult anymore. I mean, we work 20-hour shifts in the fields, we aren't allowed to have friends or have contact with the outside world (I am probably going to get 50 lashes for this letter, TBH), and I've been branded on my neck, which like, super hurt. So, I'm pretty sure that there's going to be a mass suicide like, any day now, but I don't quite know how to tell everybody I'd rather live without getting them all upset. Am I overthinking this? Thanks!"
M.T., this is a great question, and you have come to the right place. I can't count the number of cults I've been in since high school. First, I was a Girl Scout leader, and then I joined that sorority in college, and I right now I have maybe 6 membership cards to all sorts of places I don't even shop. So don't blame yourself for getting caught up in these things.
Luckily, getting out of a cult is not usually that hard. You just need to be persistent. The first thing I do is I cut up my subscription card. Then, I find all of the emails they send me, and delete them. You can try to click on the "unsubscribe" link on the bottom, but that doesn't always work, so if you're still getting The Holy One's newsletters each day, just set up a filter that sends those puppies straight to junk mail.
If you still find that those guys won't leave you alone, you may even have to do something drastic like change your phone number, so be prepared for that.
Okay, well I hope that everything goes well. Let me know how that mass thingy turns out, and take care!