Uh, hello. I'm not sure if this is the right column—I'm not very good with technology. Anyway, I am in dire need of a strong young man or woman to act as a sort of companion to me for hopefully the rest of my life, but I can do short-term, too. I have several physical and emotional needs that I can't meet on my own, and so I think it's time to look for someone who can be there for me when I need them. I am a 82-year-old woman, and I've been very independent for my whole life, but I've noticed lately that there's something missing in my life. I wake up, and it's hard to get out of bed with no one by my side. I sometimes find myself unable to do anything when there's no one around to help me through it, hold my hand, and keep me from taking too many pills. I don't want to sound like I'm very needy. I really want to make sure our relationship is equitable, and so I am fully prepared to meet your needs, too. I don't have a lot of money to offer, but to make up for that, I am a warm and gentle woman, and a good listener. I give great back scratches, and I can also bake like nobody's business, so that ought to get your motor running.
To give full disclosure before you get into this, you are likely to see me in the bathtub, and eventually our relationship may escalate into you helping me along with other bodily functions, if you know what I mean. I'm very clean, so there is not any reason to be concerned about getting any diseases from me. Still, I understand if you prefer to wear protective items.
If this sounds like it might be your thing, but you're not totally sure, I am fine with starting out on an exploratory basis just to see what you're comfortable with. I really try to keep an open mind, so I hope you can, too. I also welcome couples who want to get in on this, as I can see how this could strengthen a relationship.
Well, I hope I've sparked some curiosity out there. I'm already excited!