A perfectly avoidable tragedy ended the life of local resident Theodore Bartol at the ripe age of 55 earlier this week. Despite literally thousands of warnings from his wife of 31 years to put the toilet seat back down after use, Mr. Bartol ignored her for the last time on Monday.
He paid the natural consequence of any man who continually fails to behave according to his wife's wishes when his skull was caved in after at least 23 blows to the head with two different golf clubs. According to forensics experts, his wife, Bella, seems to have started the initial bludgeoning process with the first club she reached, a putter, but then traded it out for something more substantial when it didn't quite seem to be adequately expressing her frustration.
No charges will be filed in Bartol's untimely and unnecessary death as it appears clear to prosecutors that Mrs. Bartol was acting well within reason. After all, she had admonished her husband multiple times—at least twice on the day of his death. No one can argue that he didn't know this was coming. If anything, it was a clear case of suicide.
Mrs. Bartol hopes that the funeral will serve as a time of remembrance and will also add awareness to the condition from which her husband suffered: ignoring his wife's reasonable requests. The service will be at 11:00 a.m. at Serenity Funeral Homes.