LOS ANGELES, CA — A Colon-exclusive interview with one of Hollywood's most famous assassins, known as Entropy, has offered unique insights into the routine and occupation of one who murders as a profession. Topics ranged from his/her unique use of pepper spray to how he/she revived a once-floundering career.
"I used to just subsist from hit to hit, but never really took off on my own. I lacked the vision and creativity to make it in this kind of cutthroat industry, no pun intended. I felt like I was just going through the motions for months, with bills and all kinds of obligations piling up. I hate the term 'hitman,' but that's exactly what I was."
Entropy, wanted in 12 states for 134 different confirmed homicide charges, related the difficulty he/she faced in entering the saturated field of assassins, noting the need to establish him/herself in a niche. "It's death to the career of an assassin if you don't have a specialty, something that marks you apart from the rest of the hired guns out there. That's one thing I wish they would change in the curriculum at the assassin's academy; they don't encourage students to explore and individualize enough."
Everything changed though, when Entropy attended a motivational seminar hosted at an unspecified community college. The presenter spoke extensively on the power of positive thinking and goal-setting, which profoundly impacted Entropy's approach to his/her career. "This guy was just talking about standard motivational practices, but it was like I was hearing it for the first time. He said 'you can do whatever you set your heart to' and 'never believe that you can't succeed' and things like that, but the turning point for me was when he said to 'shoot for the stars.' That's when my eyes opened up and it became clear to me what to do."
"It dawned on me that movie stars and other celebrities are a phenomenal specialty to have as an assassin, since they always have enemies, they are easy to track, and the deaths publicize themselves! I went out that very same night and bought my first sniper's kit, which I still use today. I started taking some low-level jobs sniping minor celebrities, slowly building my credibility and clientele base. Eventually I gained enough notoriety to move out here to LA where I've seen immense success in 'shooting for the stars.' Truly, I've been blessed."
Entropy's rise has led him/her to become a role model for thousands of aspiring young assassins, seeking to make their own bloody mark on the world, which was discussed in the interview among other topics. The full transcript of the interview is unavailable; when asked if The Colon could publish it, Entropy chuckled and said "I mean, you can, but then I'd have to kill you," making a slicing motion with his/her thumb over his/her neck. We are unable to determine how serious he/she was.