BOSTON, MA—Researchers for the Harvard Medical School have offered some controversial findings regarding medical care. Their recommendations may have far-reaching consequences, and contradict most medical practices currently in existence.
The team of researchers announced that, although modern medicine has exceptional techniques to deal with malignant growths, such as tumors and cysts, the best thing a patient can do is to not think about them.
Although the statement appears to fly in the face of practice-as-usual, the researchers insist that the first step toward an unfavorable diagnosis is acknowledging that there might be a condition that needs attention.
"You see, the first problem is noticing that you have a weird lump" explained Dr. Madison Weeks, 45. "It turns out that noticing something that seems strange virtually always precedes a cancer diagnosis, for example. In fact, if people would just remain oblivious to changes in their bodies entirely, we estimate that we could reduce cancer diagnoses by about 60% overnight."
Other medical doctors, including oncologists, have reacted to these suggestions with skepticism. However, Dr. Weeks, the research team's spokesperson, offered the theoretical explanation for why acknowledging a strange lump may lead to the eventual diagnosis. "We believe that it may have something to do with the feeding of the growth. You know, it's sort of like acknowledging that the lump is there, you give it power. It may like to feed off of that power."
The team suggests that, if a strange lump is accidentally noticed, there are still ways to deal with it before actually seeking medical treatment. "The best thing at that point is to forget that it's there. That may seem difficult, and it is. But you can try to think about other things that are not the lump, and you can also distract yourself by picking up a new hobby, such as hiking, cross-stitching, or making batteries out of potatoes. In more desperate cases, it may help to forget about the growth by getting involved with drugs or alcohol that help you get out of reality for a while."
Even though the logic seems sound, skeptics remain, including oncologist Bridget Jolly, M.D., who argues that the research team is misleading people who may be delaying medical care by not paying attention to changes in their bodies. To that, Dr. Weeks replied, "We appreciate and hear the concerns, but our data are quite clear here. Almost immediately after patients take note of a growth and report that to medical personnel is the most frequent time of also getting a life-threatening diagnosis, so...you do the math."