Friends, family, and loved ones regret to announce the passing of Joseph Nicholas, 89, on Wednesday of this week. He passed peacefully in his sleep of an apparent cardiac arrest, although those closest to him have wondered for some time if there was something more serious going on beneath the surface. Indeed, Joseph did not quite seem like himself since about 1991, in my opinion. Not to beat around the bush, but there was a little incident back then at a family reunion that didn't exactly go in Joseph's favor, so let's just leave it at that.
Okay, you know what? Let's be clear here. This was all Vera's fault, and anybody who tells you differently is out of their [expletive] mind. That little [expletive] killed her uncle Joey, and as far as I'm concerned the blood is all over her hands. "Cardiac arrest" my sweet little keister! He would be alive right now, telling me to get off of the computer and let it go, if it hadn't been for Vera.
Vera, in 1991, was Joe's 5-year-old niece. So we're all at this family reunion in Fresno, right? Don't ask me "why Fresno," okay, it was Harriett's thing. Anyway, so this reunion was in January, because that was the only time that Louis could make it over from Albuquerque. We all had a fun time window shopping or whatever, but it's getting late. Vera was there, and she's complaining about how tired she is, and how she's bored, and how she's hungry. It's not our fault she's the only kid there, and she's had to follow us around on foot doing whatever we want for 3 days. But Joey leans down to her, right? He leans down and says, "Sweet potato, it's probably time for bed now for you, huh?" He says it real sweet and everything, too.
The little twerp looks him square in the eyes, gets an evil little look on her face, and says, "You just need to die!"
Now everybody else laughed it off as just something that a kid would say when they're really cranky, but I knew better! She put a hex on him right there, and now, finally, after all of these years, I am vindicated! Joe's gone, and nobody can deny that's what she wanted all those years ago. No matter how much she cried on the phone when she found out he was gone, I know that she is ultimately the one who did this. For shame!
There. I said it.
The service will be held at the Riverside Memorial Chapel this Sunday at 10, with refreshments to follow.