SAN FRANCISCO, CA—In an attempt to ease the destruction of humankind for which they are partially responsible, social media company, Twitter, has launched a new feature on the login screen that will remind users that this is what they asked for.
The site, characterized by its micro-sharing limits of 240 characters and connecting miserable pieces of garbage to the rest of humanity with anonymity, finally succumbed to pressure from the celebrities who made the most noise, and added the feature on Saturday morning. Users will now face a reminder each time they visit the login page that will offer one final glimmer of hope before they proceed to read all of the hateful and vicious attacks that have spread since the last time they were on the site.
Statements such as, "Are you sure you wouldn't prefer to read a good book?" and "Why not phone a good friend, instead?" will be among the attempts to save users from themselves, who seem drawn to the site like moth to flame.
Whereas the login warnings will appear for only those who visit the site, the majority of Twitter users employ the application through a smartphone or tablet, which does not normally require a login each time. In such cases, popup windows and notifications will be engaged approximately every 60 seconds. Some examples will state, "You're better than this," as well as "Would you like to delete your account? It takes just a second."
The public response to the added feature has been somewhat surprising, but should have been expected. Since the launch approximately 24 hours before this publication, the founders of Twitter have received hundreds of thousands of death threats, been called homophobic and Islamophobic slurs, fascists and Nazis, sexual predators, as well as blamed for not doing enough to "protect us [users] from things we don't agree wtih [sic]."
As of press time, half of the founders of Twitter had deleted their own accounts, looked up to the skies, and asked "What have we done?"