If you thought you were getting a deal on this fine product the last time it was on the market in 2015, boy are you in for a surprise!
Now, at no extra cost, I have added 30% more of your girl, Shannon, available with each dinner or movie reservation. It's the same personality you've known and loved, the same quirks, and the same quality you've come to expect, but now, all that goodness is in a party-size package.
Thanks to my newly-developed simmering process of binging on streaming television with a bucket full of fried chicken, along with a top-secret mixture of chips and dip, I have perfected the process of producing massive amounts of myself, and I'm passing the extra supply onto you!
Hurry, while supplies last!