Hey babes. I am a handsome, charming, fit man, with a well-paying job, a 1200 square foot apartment, and a bright future.
I am witty like Mark Twain, funny like Jerry Seinfeld, bright like Albert Einstein, deep like Robert Frost, and even humbler than Jesus Christ.
You read that right. I have it all, and more, but I am the last person on earth to point it out. My celebrity friends and super-hot exes tell me all the time that I should talk about my strengths more often. But I guess I just am not the kind of guy to randomly bring up how I can do a wheelie on a motorcycle, or how I spent a week volunteering in Kenya, or about that time that I knew the answer to the final Daily Double on Jeopardy when even none of the contestants got it right. Yeah, I'm just that humble.
Even though I drive a shiny new sports car, I don't flaunt it by going more than 20 over the speed limit. I may make six figures a year, but I make sure to keep that just between everybody I meet and myself. I almost never bring up my month trip to Europe where I learned like, 50 words in Spanish. No es importante, if you know what I mean.
So I don't know, maybe you cats out there can't handle the humility I'm dishing out, but there it is: ripe for the picking. Give me a call on my latest model of an iPhone that's totally not a big deal.