HEAVEN—In a candid interview with The Colon staff, the creator of the Universe shared some insights into His personal struggles of late, including a rare crisis of faith.
Speaking from His throne of gold, surrounded by scores of cherubim and choirs of angels, the father of humankind spoke openly about His recent projects both on earth and in other galaxies beyond our abilities to comprehend. He is reportedly quite excited by a new miracle idea for a colony of beings somewhere near Alpha Centauri. "Man, this one is really going to knock their socks off," exclaimed the omniscient and eternal being.
He then opened up about some recent personal wrestles He's had with humanity. "I know that I'm supposed to be like, the biggest fan of the people of earth. I mean, I have poured my heart and soul into those guys. But sometimes I—I just...wonder if it even makes sense to me anymore."
The deity explained that, although publicly He is "100% on humanity's side," He often quietly questions that position from time to time.
"I guess this probably goes back to just a little before the 2016 presidential election in the U.S." He stated. "I looked at both candidates, and I was just like, 'you expect me to believe that intelligent beings would choose between these two to lead them?' I mean, I know that I personally created all life on the planet, but sometimes the whole 'intelligent people' thing seems so far fetched."
This is, of course, not the first time that the celestial being has struggled with His faith in humankind. By His own account, after a frustrating weekend of unheeded beseeching and feeling underappreciated, He flooded the earth with massive amounts of rain for 40 days and 40 nights, killing nearly every life form on the planet. "I remember that," related the Almighty. "I nearly threw in the towel that time."
Although the heavenly spirit remains an avid fan of natural disasters, He claimed not to have reached a point of considering complete eradication. "No, I've matured a lot since those days," He noted. However, God does sometimes wonder if humans really are like they appear in the story books.
"I read peoples' stories, you know? They're about these heroes who struggle, but who fight the good fight, and stand for truth and justice. I sometimes just don't know if that's believable anymore for me. I want to think that those people are out there, but maybe I've seen too much."
God stated that He does not try to discourage other deities from believing in humanity, even as He works through His own trial of faith. "I totally get it. I understand why [Hindu deity] Ganesh and Odin and the other guys stick with humans. I think they need it—they need something to believe in. They wouldn't know what to do with themselves if they lost their hope in humanity. And I guess sometimes that's what keeps me going, too."
The Heavenly Father assured The Colon that He expects that this current rut is just a phase, and that He hopes to "snap out of it" soon. Until then, however, He warned of fewer public appearances, and stated that He may take some time off near the helix nebula to "clear His head."