WASHINGTON, D.C.—Leaked NASA documents surfaced this week revealing a massive cover-up dating back to the 1970's. The documents outline discoveries made during the early years of the United States Apollo space program and reveal that scientists knew as early as the first space missions that the earth is revolving around the sun in the exact opposite way we’ve been assuming. In other words, North is South and South is North, the sun actually rises in the West and sets in the East, and the land down under is really very up and over.
Early space experts knew this, yet, fearing the catastrophic ramifications of this kind of information, withheld it from the public for over 40 years until word leaked out from the deathbed of astronaut Harvey Mitchell. His dying words revealed the documents were secreted away in a safe deposit box at Wells Fargo. Family members were shocked when they read this important information and realized what it meant to the world. Only one other astronaut on that mission remains alive to reveal the details of this amazing discovery: Mr. A (who wishes to remain anonymous, fearing government retaliation).
“We glanced at the earth from our ship, and there it was, plain as day, upside down. Well you can believe we let them [scientists back on earth] know immediately, but we were told to keep it to ourselves. This kind of information would really embarrass the early astronomers like Galileo and Copernicus; I mean it was probably their mistake to begin with. Still, we wrote up our findings to protect our own hides, but we were blacklisted after that and never got to go on another space mission. Our guess was they all figured it would be safer keeping this information from the public, and even government officials, I mean, what are they going to do, change all the maps of the world? Can you imagine the hassles? Seasons would be all mixed up, too, and what about astrology, I LIKE being a Leo!”
The Colon reached retired NASA official Dr. Bart Ackerman for comment and he had this to say, “Yea, I knew about the cover-up. The cover-up wasn’t about protecting the citizens, it was about protecting those idiots who thought the world was up-side down! In space everything is about perspective, how you are looking at things. If your spaceship is upside down, the world looks topsy-turvy, North is still North, no matter how you look at it.”
Mr. A. isn’t so sure, “I saw what I saw, and Harvey saw it too. You aren’t going to change my mind.”