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Writer's pictureTodd Blankenship

Zuckerberg: "Everybody Just Shut the [Expletive] Up"

WASHINGTON, DC—In another congressional hearing regarding the impact of social media on political campaigns, and their role in shaping public opinion, the head of Facebook.com calmly ordered everyone to "just shut the [expletive] up."

As calls for more governmental regulation of social media content continue, and internet giants such as Twitter, Facebook, and Google face increased scrutiny for what many see as complicit behavior in hate speech and the spread of "fake news," Mark Zuckerberg, as the icon of social media, has been called to answer questions in front of congress to further explain his company's algorithms, policies for blocking questionable content, and possibilities of sanctions or regulation at the federal level.

After approximately 37 minutes of questions to which Zuckerberg had given answers or promised to look into, the 35-year-old interrupted Senator Cruz (R-TX) mid-sentence, stating, "Shut up," clearly into his microphone.

The room went silent for a moment, as the two syllables rang through everyone's ears, and they attempted to make meaning of what had transpired. After a few moments, Senator Cruz said, "I'm sorry, what was that?"

Zuckerberg calmly repeated himself, with no apparent emotion, "Shut up."

He then went on to further clarify his statement. "Look, we all know how this ends. Congress will eventually attempt to take over or break up my company. But that will never work, because every person in this room knows that I already know everything about them. I have all of the nude photos, I have the drunken videos, and I know where all of the bodies are hidden. You make one move against my company, and the whole world is going to know the names and addresses of every mistress, every illegitimate child, and all of your drug dealers. I am in charge now. So, how about everybody here just shut the [expletive] up, and we move on with our day?"

What was perhaps most shocking about the statement was the matter-of-fact manner in which Zuckerberg explained his position, as if he fully expected immediate compliance, and was just speaking of something that everyone else already knew. There was dead silence for a full minute as senators looked back and forth at each other, reading facial expressions and searching for options.

Senator Cruz finally yielded his time, and the meeting was quickly adjourned without further questioning or comments.

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