MILWAUKE, WI—In a diabolically clever design move that has surely sealed the fate of their relationship forever, Hayden and Lisa's wedding announcement is entirely in lowercase font.
Not even capitalizing their own names, Hayden and Lisa shook the very foundations of everything we thought we knew about invitation design, demonstrating just how different their own relationship is from all of our sad, pathetic ones that had wedding invitations in traditional English lettering. Surely, their bond is special; their hearts in sync, unlike our dull, uninventive, run-of-the-mill marriages. Theirs will surely stand the test of time, leaving ours behind to wallow with our forgotten invitation text choices.
"Talk about a game changer. Not a single capital anywhere!" exclaimed Lisa's former roommate Irma Hogarth, who has been married for 2 years, as she pored over the recently-arrived invitation. "Can you imagine?" she asked no one in particular, lost in her own thoughts about what might have been had she had such courage and audacity.
The 563 invitations are currently spreading all over the nation, sowing doubt and shame upon all who gaze upon the small lettering as they are made aware of their own inadequacies. "Well, good for them," commented Dmitri Werner, who worked with Hayden at a restaurant during high school. "I guess the rest of us can just go crawl under a rock and die. With an invitation like that out in the world, who would have me?"
As of press time, Lisa casually mentioned to Hayden that she expected more R.S.V.P.s by now, and wondered if they should send out their digital invitation 3 or 4 times as well.
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