Hoping to Attract Younger Crowds, Supreme Court Now Has Wifi

WASHINGTON, DC—In an effort to draw in a new, young crowd of lawyers, plaintiffs, and defendants, the United States Supreme Court is now pleased to offer free wireless internet access in all of its public areas. This development comes on the heels of several years of failed attempts to interest the youngest generation in constitutional issues of the law and other matters of federal jurisdiction.

"Kids these days have the attention span of a newborn puppy," commented Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. "Sometimes you gotta dangle something shiny in front of them to get them to look in your direction."

Guests and staff at the Supreme Court will now have the option of connecting to "SCOTUSNET" to have access to all of their favorite internet content during the course of their visit to the highest court authority in the nation. Justice Neil Gorsuch said, "I think it's a great idea. Not only can witnesses and lawyers check their Twitter feed to see what's trending during the deliberations, but if any of us is bored with a case whose outcome we already know, we can just take a few minutes to check out some cute videos of kittens, or maybe a family of ducklings trying to keep up with their mother. That's where it's at."

The upgrade cost only about $500 to add wireless routers to several public locations. The hardest part was deciding what to call the network. Although the majority of justices voted for "SCOTUSNET," Justice Clarence Thomas wrote a 175-page dissenting opinion, instead favoring "JUSTICEWEB."

The network will go live later this afternoon, and although no crowds seem to have gathered yet to take advantage of this new service, Supreme Court security has been on alert to handle the expected crowds of young, hot shot attorneys drawn to the siren call of internet access in the most powerful court in the United States.

Public reaction to the news has been mixed, with some passersby stating things as diverse as, "They didn't have it already?" and "Oh, is that where the Supreme Court is?" Only time will tell the impact this move has had on the nation.