RIFLE, CO—The social and economic fabric within Eleanor Jovovich's mouth is in an upheaval after the recent crowning of the number 18 molar.
In an unprecedented shift of the power hierarchy within Ms. Jovovich's jaw, the large tooth rose unexpectedly in the ranks after a ceremony at the endodontist signaling its new status as supreme monarch of the mouth. At the coronation, Her Majesty received a carefully shaped and molded porcelain crown, commissioned specifically for her. The ceremony was completed using a special solution that would make it near impossible for the crown to ever be removed, thus it is expected that Her Highness will remain in the powerful position for the foreseeable future.
Although Jovovich's mouth heretofore largely operated as an anarcho-syndicate, working together toward a common aim with no one tooth necessarily more powerful than another, things changed relatively quickly last Friday, when the same number 18 tooth was in crisis, and appeared to possibly be on the brink of extraction. However, somehow the same tooth was fated for something greater, selected to bear the majestic crown.
Her Grace has wasted no time in assuming her new position, demanding tributes from the other teeth, taking advantage of extra-care in flossing and brushing, often taking on far less of the chewing duties that were once expected. Now, the teeth on the right side of Jovovich's mouth are left to pick up the slack, and resentment is high.
Although the future of Jovovich's mouth is unclear, there have been whisperings of an attempt at the throne, with one of the right side bicuspids talking of obtaining a crown for itself. Many teeth fear that such a move would surely lead to civil war, or even gum disease, but the tooth is not without its supporters.
Updates to the situation will be posted as available.
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