MIAMI, FL—The boyfriends of the nation came together to issue a joint statement to their romantic partners on Tuesday, announcing that they can explain everything.
Certain that they can quell all concerns of any outward appearance of impropriety, the boyfriends of the United States jumped right in before their partners could make unfounded accusations or reach unwarranted conclusions about where they were at the moment in question, and what they were doing during that time for which they went unaccounted.
They even admitted openly that, "We know that this looks bad," putting out that fire before it truly gets going. To then douse the spark with cold water, they continued, "but there's a perfectly reasonable and rational explanation for everything, which we will get to in due time, if only you'll grant us your audience."
The nation's boyfriends also added that, although they are unaware of what your mutual friends or acquaintances might say about the time in question, even as they claim to have first- or secondhand information about the situation, their romantic partners should look solely to the boyfriends and no one else to set them straight.
Rather than launch directly into their perfectly reasonable and incontestable statement on the matter at hand, the boyfriends then took the liberty to remind their romantic partners how they "would never hurt" them, and assured each one that they "know us better than that."
As of press time, the romantic partners in the audience had sat back, folded their arms, and crossed their legs with stoic looks on their faces, apparently preparing to hear this much-hyped statement.
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