ASPEN, CO—In a breaking new turn of events on the international scale, blah blah blah. Oh, and by the way, yes, my weekend was fine. Thanks a lot for caring enough to ask me about it before just expecting me to jump right into giving you all of the breaking news of the day from around the globe.
No one is quite sure how this new situation will affect the 3.2 million people likely to be involved, but yadda yadda yadda. Yeah, I went hiking with some old roommates from college. Thanks for taking a moment to consider my human side for just a second. That's right: I'm not all work all the time. I know how to kick back and enjoy the ride, too.
Tensions in the region have been high ever since 2 years ago when somebody and the other guy bling bling blah, almost total war, zim boom bah. We rented a condo at a ski lodge in Aspen. They're super cheap this time of year because it's normally for skiing, but it's July if you didn't notice, so there's no snow right now. So there's almost nobody out there this time of year, and so my friends and I spent a couple of nights there and hiked in the mountains. The weather was great, thanks for the personal inquiry which shows me that you and I have more than just a superficial relationship.
The Presidents of both nations gave strongly worded statements that made it seem as if nuclear war were yippity yappity yee. That's right, I do have a life outside of this job. I have hobbies and people I care about aside from public figures and local restaurant owners or whatever. You know what else? I stubbed my toe on a door two weeks ago, and it really hurt a lot. But nobody asked about that, did they? Nobody sent me a card or even a nice note checking to see how I was doing. All it ever is is "What's North Korea going to do," and "What weird diets are celebrities trying?" I'm not a machine, you know. I have feelings, too.
Troops are presently being deployed to the area in question, and there is likely to be a shortage of gasoline in most of the rama lama ding dong. Yes, I also watch Stranger Things, and I have a lot of opinions about that, too. Maybe sometime you'd like to ask me about those? No, right? I should just stick to relaying the current events in an objective and informative manner, huh?
Yeah, I got it. No, I totally see how it is. Fine. Nice to know where we stand.
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