With only the hollowest of sorrow and grief, the family and friends of "Princess Ruffles" announce that she is no longer with us.
Ruffles, a small, plush unicorn toy that belonged to 4-year-old Sara Nielson, was declared dead on Tuesday of this week by Nielson herself after it was discovered that she had "swallowed a poison apple," according to her crayon-inscribed death certificate, also signed by Nielson.
Despite pleas from other family members to find some cure among the other imaginary potions and concoctions in Nielson's toy kitchen, she was quite insistent that the unicorn she had received as a gift on her first birthday had passed and was gone from this world, forever.
A small service will be held right after graham crackers tomorrow afternoon, and all who knew Ruffles are expected to attend. A shoe box with glitter and uncooked noodles has been prepared for the burial service that will follow immediately after. In lieu of flowers, the elder Mr. and Mrs. Nielson ask that you simply play along, and try not to giggle.
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