HOLLYWOOD, CA—Lauded film director, J.J. Abrams has been under much scrutiny following critical reviews of his contributions to the recent Star Wars films. Some fans of the franchise that was purchased by Disney in 2012 have complained that Abrams' vision of Star Wars has been too reminiscent of the original trilogy, relying too heavily on nostalgia from those films, while others feel that the recent films destroyed the legacy of the movies with the split of the Han and Leia romance, among other issues.
Speaking against critics, Abrams had a clear message. In front of an audience that gathered as he exited a restaurant where he was dining with friends, he made an apparently unprepared statement. "You think it's so easy, you little [expletives]? Why don't you [expletive] make a movie, huh?"
Shocking those present who had simply come to throw rotten food at the award-winning director or tell him that he should purposefully end his own life, Abrams continued to berate those disparaging his efforts. In a mocking voice, he said, "Oh, I'm sorry your stupid [expletive] movie isn't [expletive] perfect. Did my years of obsessive poring over every detail night and day not fit your [expletive] childhood dreams? Well maybe you should get together a few hundred people and elaborate sets, and spend months in front of a computer screen scrutinizing every last frame of CGI, all while arguing back and forth with your writers and getting pushed up against a deadline from your studio. What kind of a [expletive] movie do you think you'd [expletive] make?"
The embarrassed and ashamed mob dropped their heads after hearing such language and seeing Mr. Abrams' rage, and slowly began to dissipate as Abrams continued on his rant. "How about this? The next time you want a [expletive] movie, I'll come over to your [expletive] house and you and I will work out the perfect [expletive] script for exactly every [expletive] detail you want to see, and then I will go and spend 2 years making that exact [expletive] movie. Then, I'll go next door and do the same [expletive] thing for your [expletive] neighbor! Is that what you want, you [expletive] [expletive]?"
As of press time, the nation agreed to still see the upcoming The Rise of Skywalker film, and to just talk about what they like about the film in public.
Abrams is presently napping while his studio prepares his next impossible task that will ultimately drive him insane.
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