EARTH—In a surprising and controversial move this week, the creator of heaven and earth revealed that there is, in fact, a superior race, and that it's the Javanese people who reside primarily on the island of Java and surrounding Indonesian islands.
God's statement came at an odd time, especially regarding the content. It has been quite some time since he's given any direct messages to the people of earth, and of all of the questions regarding life and reality, it struck many as bizarre that He would, in His infinite wisdom, choose to stir up such a controversy at this time.
"Hey you guys," boomed the powerful voice of the Almighty from the heavens, and yet also directly into each person's mind. "I just thought I would clear this up real quick. There is definitely a hierarchy of races, and at the very tip top is the Javanese people. Okay, so now you know. See ya later."
Theologians and clergy throughout the world have since scrambled to interpret this event. While scientists have not ventured to deny that they received the message, they attempt to explain it through mass hallucination or some new technology that a prankster would use. However, theologians have been all over the map on what this means.
"I bet this is just a test," said Fr. Harold E. Barnes, 55. "Surely, our Father loves us all equally. Perhaps He used this comment to show us how nonsensical it is to think that any of our brothers and sisters are more or less valuable in His merciful eyes based on appearances. I think that we should all respond by treating each other as equals."
Rabbi Benjamin Grunwald, 61, was confused. "Has He not been watching down here? Why would you say something like that? Now I worry that the Javanese are going to start rounding people up. We've seen this kind of thing before!"
Boediono, 33, a native of Java, commented with some caution. "I mean, that's cool to hear. At first, I thought maybe He was trolling us. I mean, I'm proud of my heritage and all, but the master race? I never really thought about that, I guess. Don't get me wrong, I can kind of see it. I make a pretty killer bowl of rice. You really should come by some time."
Perhaps the most surprised of all were other groups based on the notion of racial purity or superiority. White supremacists throughout the world have taken this revelation with great difficulty. Patrick Harrington, 28, said. "This is bull[expletive]. Everybody knows we [Aryans] are the best. Just look at our buzzed hair and stuff. You watch. Any minute now, He's going to come back on and be like, 'LOL, just kidding you guys. It was whites. Whites are really my favorites. Peace out.'"
As for what the impact on world politics and national relations will be, it's anybody's guess at this point. There have been rumors of invasions and attempts at genocide, whereas others are working this revelation into their theology. For example, there is a small faction of Indonesians discussing how to cleanse the "earth of her vermin," all while the Catholic church tries to change its images of Christ to appear more Javanese.
Comments