I'm going to level with you: I need to get married—and fast. It's not that I take marriage lightly, or that I want to use you, it's just that I am in a bit of a pickle and outside of a presidential pardon, I'm pretty sure the only way to get out of this bind is to marry a U.S. citizen.
Just so you know a little about me, I'm 26 months old, which is actually fully grown for my, er, species. Not to brag, but I have a long and prominent snood, and large and fleshy caruncles, if that makes a difference for you. I have all of my rectrices, too, but you really have to see them to get the full effect.
I enjoy the outdoors, pecking at food, and courting babes along with my friends. But I swear, if that bothers you at all, I can stop that once we're together. I'm not expecting anything, either. Like, you can seriously just leave me out in the yard most of the time. The main thing is that the paperwork is solid.
Again, this is a matter of life and death, so please call me only if you're serious, and if you can pick me up and take me to the courthouse right away. I'll take your last name if you want, too, because I actually don't even have one. Talk to you soon!
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