SALINA, KS—A concerning trend has recently revealed itself, and so to make clear just how troubling it is, we've decided to write a big article about it. It's important to us that you feel just as concerned as we do, so we're going to really emphasize just how bad this is, and to send the message home, we've even included a pie chart that says basically the same thing we're writing right here.
As you can see, the pie chart really adds credibility to what we're writing here. Not only does it offer a nice visual, with a pleasant and professional-looking color scheme, but it also portrays to our readers that we take this issue seriously enough to spend an entire 5 minutes of extra time to throw that thing together using the ubiquitous Microsoft Word software.
We think you'll agree that the pie chart really does the trick. Whereas had we not included a pie chart, or perhaps a bar graph, you may have read through this article with some skepticism, seeing that we did indeed toss the pie chart in here really makes you want to believe whatever we're communicating to you.
Now, admittedly, we did not take another 20 seconds to make it a 3D pie chart. That was a conscious decision. A 3D pie chart is simply undeniable to most readers, but it also has an air of arrogance with which we just aren't comfortable. Unlike other satirical news sites, we respect our readers enough to leave our pie charts in only 2 dimensions.
In any case, experts who wrote this article agree that it's basically the best pie chart we've seen, and it makes our point for us. We suppose it's possible that counterpoints could be made using a line graph or, God forbid, a histogram, but we're pretty confident that our pie chart stands on its own merits.
We encourage readers to share the pie chart with their friends and neighbors, and to parrot whatever we said in this article to further spread our concern. If that doesn't work, we may throw together a Venn diagram that'll make your heads spin.
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