WASHINGTON, DC—Following another horrific incident that has become far too commonplace in the Beyer household, U.S. Congressman Don Beyer (D-VA, 8th District) stood before a congressional session on Tuesday morning to introduce a bill he's calling the "Green Bean New Deal."
In an impassioned prepared speech, Mr. Beyer, stated, "Over the course of the last 12 Sunday meals at the Beyer home, for which data are available, 10 of those included steamed green beans. Out of those 10 pots of green beans, all were overcooked to the point of being unfit for human consumption. Now, I'm a reasonable person: I could overlook one. I could overlook two. I could probably even think that three or four were just flukes. But all 10? This is simply unacceptable in 2019, in a nation that is as advanced as ours, to put myself and my family through any more of this heartache. In speaking with my constituents, it is shocking to hear of them recall their own experiences with overcooked, or sometimes even under-cooked green beans. This is happening on our watch, and there is no longer an excuse for such madness. It's time to do something."
The congressman then went on describe his proposal to require any person who purchases green beans, either conventional or French style, to hold a license to do so. Eligibility for the license is relatively open demographically, as one must be at least 16 years old, and must undergo 16 hours of training in cooking green beans, with at least 4 of those hours actually cooking green beans under the supervision of a licensed green bean cooker.
"It's very simple," continued Beyer. "We license people to drive cars because it requires a level of skill to operate a vehicle, and the consequences of lacking that skill can be devastating if you get behind the wheel. It's time that we recognize the same need to license people to ensure they have the skill to get green beans to just the right amount of tenderness that the American people have come to depend on. This is the right thing to do."
The bill was discussed for 45 minutes, mostly regarding whether pan-frying green beans or baking them in the oven would also be covered in the licensing process. Many congressmen and women voiced support for the bill, but others said that it did not go far enough, citing disastrous corn-on-the-cob from the church potluck, and too-dry baked potatoes at the neighbors' last Labor Day.
In any case, the bill passed, and will now move onto the next stage. Thus far, President Trump has not said whether he would sign such a bill if it came to his desk, but many pundits worry that he would threaten a veto unless the bill also included funding for a border wall.
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