ST. LOUIS, MO—Dog parents have been perplexed in recent months by the shampoo + conditioner included in their subscription pet supply boxes. The brand, labeled "Doggy Wash," makes several declarations on its label that have left consumers confused, including the statement that the product is not tested on animals and the claim that "It's the best dog shampoo ever!"
In response to such customer questions as "What?" and "How the-?" the company's CEO, Don Jameson, offered the following statement. "We at Doggy Wash agree with activist groups that animal testing is inhumane, and that's why we refuse to try our products out by bathing dogs. What kind of monsters would do something like that?"
When asked how he can know the product's effectiveness without trying it on the target user, Jameson admitted, "I actually have no clue if it works or not, but it's coconut-based, with some essential oils thrown in, so it's probably fine. Nobody's complained yet.
"I washed my hands with it once and didn't get a rash, so it's good. I'm pretty sure there's no difference between dog and human skin," the clueless CEO added. Consumers have in fact reported that the shampoo-conditioner combo seems to dry their pets' skin more than other products, causing dandruff for the first few days after use, a problem that could easily have been caught if tested on canine skin before it hit the market.
Despite the seemingly paradoxical statements on Doggy Wash products, the subscription service and subscribers still plan to purchase them because "they're cheap and smell nice."
Kommentare