VATICAN CITY—In light of recent scandals and falling attendance, the Roman Catholic Church launched an advertising campaign last week, offering a “communion gallon challenge” to those of legal drinking age. The Vatican hopes that this will draw in Millennials and others interested in winning a free t-shirt and having their pictures placed on Cathedral bulletin boards with successful completion of the challenge. According to challenge rules, participants have one hour during services to drink an entire gallon of communion wine without blacking out, vomiting, or using the restroom; those who begin but are unable to complete the challenge must pay tithing—one-tenth of their income—for the year. Cardinal Angelo Sodano spoke with the press about the campaign.
“We have high hopes for the challenge,” Cardinal Sodano said. “Weekly church attendance among Catholics, especially in the U.S., has recently resumed a long-term decline; also, Millennials and Generation Z have been shown to drink less, dragging down alcohol sales. This challenge should help stabilize and even reverse the trend. If we have to give out a few t-shirts and post a few pics (and perhaps create a few alcoholics), so be it, but whatever brings sheep into the fold. The glory be to God.”
Cardinal Sodano admitted that Catholic wineries may be unable to keep up with the short-term demand for communion wine. However, he hopes that increased partnerships with private wine producers, such as E & H Gallo and Constellation Brands in the U.S., will help meet immediate needs.
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