All who knew Patrick Hazzard are left to reflect on his life ended too short earlier this week, and cannot help but think that it was his hubris that led to the tragic events that took him.
One of Patrick's few pleasures in this life was to watch the birds at his feeders in the yard while he sipped his morning coffee. But one day, he spied a squirrel shuffling through the seed, helping itself. Those who knew him well will understand that Patrick became enraged, and set out to destroy the squirrel. He first set traps near the feeder, but the clever rodent surpassed them all and dove right into the seed, infuriating Patrick, who stormed out to chase the squirrel away only to get his toes and fingers snapped up in the traps.
Patrick next thought to poison the squirrel, but instead killed nearly a dozen of his most favorite bird species. To add insult to injury, the squirrel fed on the birds' lifeless but colorful corpses, driving Patrick deeper into his obsession.
The final battle came when Patrick could stand it no more, and took to his backyard with a shotgun, aiming for the squirrel in the treetops, where it easily evaded each shot. His recklessness tore up a strong branch, however, which of course plummeted down and onto poor Patrick, who succumbed to his injuries just a few moments after the same brown squirrel pranced down to Patrick's struggling body and, some say, smirked right at him before making its way toward the bird feeders again.
Patrick is survived by his wife, Eleanor, and his 2 children, Mary and Franklin, who wish to remember Patrick as a man who loved nature, or at least most of it.
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