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  • Writer's pictureTodd Blankenship

Looking for Someone With Bright Purple Hair


Hello, ladies. I am young, tall, and employed, and I'm a pretty nice guy. I enjoy movies and music, and I sometimes play golf.

I'm looking for a young lady to love. I'm not very picky about much: I like someone who can make good conversation, and I prefer a non-smoker. One thing that I'm really after is that she have bright purple hair.

I guess you could say that's my one deal-breaker. If you don't have bright purple hair, then you and I probably aren't a good match. It's not that I have anything against non-purple hair, but it's just very important to me in a relationship that my partner's hair be like, shockingly purple.

Seriously, you could be like, a perfect 10, and have a great personality, and be really fun to spend time around, but if your hair is not quite purple enough, I can tell you right now, this is not going to work out. I don't even notice girls whose hair is not flamboyantly and almost obnoxiously purple.

This isn't like some weird fetish thing, either. My mom didn't have purple hair. It's not some fantasy I have had since childhood. It's just that when I picture myself at my wedding, standing across from my soulmate, as we stare deep into each other's eyes, I can picture her being of almost any religion or political orientation, or even tall or short, skinny or fat, passive or even aggressive, but the one constant is that she has blindingly purple hair. I suppose you could say that my life will finally be complete once that hair is in my life.

If this sounds like it fits you, please send me a strand or two so that I can inspect the shade and shimmer. If you're ready to commit to that color, I'm ready, too.

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