DRAPER, UT—The sales department of Draper's local Goodyear Tires reports record-high numbers in this fiscal quarter. While tire companies nationwide are experiencing an unprecedented crisis of low turnover and unmet quotas, the recorded sales of this Utah branch have broken the previous company record for best quarter by over 400%, with plenty of room for additional improvement this financial period.
The majority of new customers in this influx came to Goodyear after their tires suffered some form of damage not attributable to normal wear and tear. Draper resident Hawleigh Martin, 31, recalls, "one morning I got ready to head to work when I found three of my Jetta's tires flat, which was a [expletive] start to a pretty [expletive] up day, so I took a look at the tires and found two nails in each of them. There's a lot of construction around here, so people drive over nails a lot, but [expletive], six at once in different tires? While I was standing there I saw a few of my neighbors' cars sitting in their driveways with flat tires too, same nails and everything. That seemed like too much of a coincidence, then I noticed all of the nails were in the side of the tires where the rubber doesn't even meet the road, unless you pull some Fast and Furious [expletive]." Several other new customers of Goodyear have reported circumstances similar to those of Martin, where every car in a culdesac, street, or parking garage all simultaneously lose multiple tires to nail punctures. "I don't know who the [expletive] is responsible, if anybody even is, but I'm just glad I was able to get replacements at the Goodyear down the block."
None of the cars involved in these apparently accidental punctures were equipped with Goodyear brand tires prior to the incident, though a majority have been outfitted with them since, due to stock issues at other local tire stores. Bridgestone Tires manager Graham Ives, 39, states "nearly our entire inventory was slashed up when somebody broke in one night. It looks like they started with the highest-valued and most-commonly-used tires first, so whoever did it must be pretty familiar with the tire industry." Michelin, Big O Tires, and Discount Tire claim to have encountered similar problems.
"I'm happy that my team has been able to expand our client base, though it truly is unfortunate that so many people have been coming in after having their inferior-brand tires slashed, punctured by nails, even pumped full of urine," remarks Goodyear manager Alma Whitcock, 45. "I'm glad to help get those folks back on the road again with tires that won't get damaged so easily," he said, absent-mindedly playing with a nail matching the size and shape of those involved in recent flat tires. "It's just so easy to get a nail in the other guys' tires, takes hardly any effort at all," he mused with a knowing smile.
Other members of the Goodyear sales team attribute their success to nightly staff meetings, consisting of trainings on their various products, repairing punctures, and how flat tires occur. These meetings are known to regularly extend past midnight.
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