BATON ROUGE, LA—In what may be the largest breakthrough of its kind, psychologists at Louisiana State University have just published a psychological battery that can tell whether a person is American actor George Clooney.
Working with three other personality psychologists and a team of graduate students, Professor Jason Nesbit spent the last 2 years validating what he is calling the GCIQ, or "George Clooney Identifying Questionnaire." He hopes that professionals all across the nation will now be better equipped to determine whether the persons standing before them are, in fact, George Clooney or some other individual who is not George Clooney.
"Well, we started with a pretty simple question," shared Nesbit, who earned his Ph.D. from Stanford in 1992. "Suppose a psychologist were to have a stranger enter their office, seeking psychotherapy or some other service. How could that psychologist be sure that the person was not Academy Award winner George Clooney? It turns out that it's not a very easy task."
Nesbit explained that he once sat down with a 21-year-old college student who was majoring in dance theory. "She and I got talking, and she told me that she was born in Kentucky. I was suddenly suspicious, because George Clooney was born in Kentucky, so I tried to then determine if she and Clooney were one and the same."
After finding at least three other commonalities between the actor and the student in front of him, Nesbit became increasingly aware of the problem every other psychologist is facing: Almost nobody knows if who they are talking to is George Clooney.
Nesbit and his team eventually narrowed down their psychological instrument to just 522 questions that was 98.2% accurate at predicting whether the respondent is actually George Clooney. The questions include things like interests, blood type, and number of teeth currently in the respondent's mouth, as well as some other items like, "Do you have a favorable attitude toward ice cream?" which Clooney has been rumored to have.
"The beauty of this instrument is that it takes only about 90 minutes to complete, and then you can be almost certain, once and for all, about whether the person answering the questions is George Clooney," said Nesbit.
The team is recommending that the GCIQ be administered not only in every psychological intake, but are also recommending that it be considered a regular part of every college application, physical exam, background check, and other standard screens. To find out if you are George Clooney, you can reach Dr. Nesbit or his team at LSU's website.
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