UNITED STATES-In Easter tradition, citizens of the United States awoke this Sunday morning with excitement and hope in their hearts, expecting to join family and friends in celebration of new life and/or the rememberance of the resurrection of famed deity, Jesus Christ. However, as many joyful children began to search for the fabled eggs of bright and pastel colors, they were nonplussed to find in their stead a single black egg for each person in the household.
The eggs are a stark deviation from years past, where they have traditionally been filled with candy or other goodies, partially hidden in lawns or gardens, and of course, in beautiful colors. In contrast, the eggs this year are reported to contain what appear to be toenail clippings, rabbit feces, baby teeth, and other items of questionable significance.
Additionally, rather than being partially hidden so that children may seek them out in a game-like manner, each egg has been found on family members' night stands, usually by their personal effects. This oddly intimate location has caused many to feel unsafe, knowing that whoever placed them there was very close by while they were most vulnerable.
As to the message of these eggs, all explanations at this point are mere conjecture. Some people believe that the mythical Easter Bunny has lost its mind. Others believe that this is a warning of impending doom, while many just find this to be a failed joke.
In any case, the nation is on edge, carefully watching for any indication of nefarious purposes on the part of the Bunny. A small group of vigilantes in the deep south is reported to be calling for citizens to hunt all rabbits and hares alike, declaring that this is some sort of declaration of war.
Although the White House has not made an official statement, President Trump sent a tweet early this morning wishing the nation a happy Easter, and advising people to remain indoors and report any unusual rabbit activity or sightings to local authorities.