Hey babes. It's been a hectic week full of avoiding the cold, but I've been surprisingly productive in my warm little cocoon. It was so cold, I didn't want to leave the house to get new bedding for my little gerbil, Mr. Whiskersface, so I was glad to have all of those unopened letters from readers that he could shred to cozy up into. Keep them coming! While I was getting caught up on your mail like that, I noticed one very sad looking envelope with not a single speck of glitter, and boring old black ink from a ball-point pen. I was intrigued by the total lack of style, so I opened it up to see what W.A. from the deep south had to say. She writes: "Dear Ms. Cassie, I've never been [so excited to write another person in all my life! You've given so much inspiration to others, I want to try my luck. I am not known as] one for writing, but I could really use your help here. For a while now, I've been looking at other people I know who seem to have it all together. I see them smiling, and posting pictures of themselves doing things and saying stuff, and I wonder why I'm not doing those things, too. It hit me the other day that maybe I'm a loser. Maybe I just don't realize it. Can you tell me if I'm a loser and, if so, what should I do?" I'm so glad you asked, W.A. In fact, I guarantee you're not the only person out there wondering if they're a loser. There are a TON of losers out there, and it's really sad to me when they don't know who they are, so I'm putting some real effort into this one. First, what makes a loser is not often straightforward. Some people are plenty rich and famous, but still fall into the "loser" category in my book. So, to help everybody sort it out, I've come up with a little quiz to see if you fall in with the losers. 1. Think about the last time you were on a privately-owned yacht. Did the yacht go to international waters for at least 3 hours? 2. Have you been inside more than 24 unique limousines in the last year? 3. Do you have more than 6 figures left in your trust fund? 4. Have you sat on a solid gold toilet in the last 6 months? 5. Did someone else make at least 10 of your last 10 meals? 6. Do your Instagram selfies regularly get at least 3,000 likes? 7. The last time you flew on a private jet, was there a full bar? 8. Have you appeared on at least 3 magazine covers in your lifetime? 9. Were you invited to Hugh Hefner's funeral? 10. Have you ever spent the night with an Oscar nominee or winner? If the answer to any of the above questions is "no," then I'm sorry to break it to you, but you just might be a loser. But don't freak out too much. There are a lot of losers out there, W.A. There's nothing wrong with being a loser either—you just aren't worth very much to many people on that superficial level, and your existence isn't that big of a deal to important things like tabloids and gossip centers. In fact, that's sort of awesome, right? There's no pressure to maintain your image, there's no need to keep up on the social media trends and buzzwords of the day, and you can accept the fact that you're aging with grace. Now that you know you're a loser, maybe you can stop spending your time trying to be like us winners, and maybe settle down doing something like forming alliances (or what you might call "relationships") with people who are okay with who you are. Maybe you can find someone who will still stay with you no matter how your appearance changes without the Botox. You might even find that any children you have come to appreciate that you spend insane amounts of time with them rather than keeping up on celebrity gossip. Really, there's not exactly anything wrong with the things that people like you do. We can't all be winners, or then there'd be no losers, right? Well, I hope that this has really been enlightening for you. I sure feel better. More great advice next time!