Hey babes. I hope you all had a great time at your Halloween and election parties—I know I did! It's always a great conversation starter when I tell people just how many of your letters I get each week, and then how few I read. You should see the looks I get.
Anyways, speaking of letters, it was great to hear how some of you have given up trying since my last post. It's such a relief to finally lower your expectations, isn't it?
On that note, this week I really want to tackle a letter I received from a die-hard fan recently. H.W. from the southwest wrote,
"Dear Cassie, I [just love your column and I would do anything for you. Right now, I] am looking for some advice on a relationship move. See, I've been dating my guy for a couple of months now, but he's just been kind of weird lately. Sometimes he doesn't seem to be fully listening to my anecdotes, and he used to totally take my side when I was bashing on my coworkers, but lately he's been causing me to wonder if they have legitimate reasons for the way they act, and maybe I should reserve judgment. So anyway, should I drop this guy? I just wonder if I could find someone who always takes my side, listens all the time, and never does anything I don't like. What should I do?"
Wow, thanks so much, H.W. You make some really good points about needing to always be right, and acting as if you are the center of the universe. I totally know where that is coming from. Still, I can't help but think that there's another side to this. Specifically, have you considered the very real possibility that maybe you don't actually deserve better?
Hear me out. I usually am on board with the empowering position of demanding to be treated like a queen, but sometimes you can take this too far. If you demand that your guy treats you perfect, you sort of set yourself up to be disappointed eventually. So maybe a little bit of disappointment is alright. Especially if you are not actually worthy of a good, worthwhile, mutually respectful relationship.
I mean, let's be real here. What is so amazing about you? You snore while you sleep. You have bad hair days. You hit that old man on the crosswalk while you were checking your phone and didn't even slow down afterwards. Are you really that special?
If you really get down to it, you have a 2.9 GPA in your junior year at a community college, in a major that has no real employment possibilities. You've already passed the peak of your physical appearance, and your chances of getting on The Bachelor are gone, sister. It's time to take any sense of meaning in life that you can get. If you start dumping guys just because they don't answer your texts or because they have a second family in Fresno, one day you're going to wake up to find that your cat's dead and they've cancelled your favorite show, and so there's nothing else to live for.
Don't get me wrong here—I'm sure you're really sweet. But sweet people are the first ones who get eaten by the other survivors. You need to cut your losses and cling onto anyone who will tolerate you at this point.
Unless, of course, you can find some sort of inner source of peace and acceptance. You know, something that isn't shiny or material, or has some sort of social status attached to it. If such a thing exists, that would be really useful.
Anyway, so remember babes, it's okay to demand to be treated like a princess, unless you're actually just sort of a loser. Only you can know the difference.
Keep those letters coming, and look for more of my expert advice very soon!