Hey, babes. That's gonna be my thing, I think. I'll start all of my posts off with "Hey, babes," like I know you and we're super close and stuff.
Anyway, so this is my first post on The Colon's Advice and Self-Help column, and I'm super excited about it. If there is anything I am good at, it's telling other people what they're doing wrong, and that they need to fix it. So I'm going to start my tenure here off by addressing something that I have been telling people for years: The only thing standing between you and your dreams is talent.
So, if you're like other people I know, you probably wake up each day and you remember that you don't have everything you want. You probably see how other people are fulfilling their life goals, getting famous, landing dream jobs, driving fancy cars, and marrying their soulmates all around you. That can seem like a real bummer, right? Well, if you're wondering why that's not you, and why you can't seem to fulfill your dreams, I am here to tell you that the answer is "talent."
Talent is raw, inherent ability, babes. Talent is being good at something even sort of before you try it. Most importantly, talent is what separates doers from you.
Now, I get asked all the time, "Cassie, how do I become talented so that I can achieve my dreams?" And that's the thing, sweetheart, you can't "become" talented. That's what I mean by it's "inherent." You just are born with awesomeness, or you aren't. Some people are really good at things like waking up on time to be at a job, keeping track of assignments that teachers give them, balancing a checkbook, and talking to people without looking like a total weirdo. Those people become rich and famous, start Amazon.com, or know Oprah.
So there may be a reason that you're not doing what you hoped with life, pumpkin. It might be that you just don't have any talent.
Don't get bummed out, though. There are lots of people with no talent at all who go on to live full lives. Look at Paul Walker. That guy could not act to save his life, but he starred in tons of movies that terrible people like. Of course, one thing he had going was that he was gorgeous, so don't go thinking that you can star in movies just yet, but the point is that there are other talent-less losers out there whom you could probably trick into thinking you're worthwhile!
So, my advice is this: Instead of spending your days worried about how to finally become the person you want to be, start focusing on how you can get other dimwits like you to start forking over some cash, join fan clubs, or otherwise make your life easier. You may not be very good at that either, but hey, what have you got to lose, you couch potato?