SAN FRANCISCO, CA—The English department at the University of San Francisco released the results of a study that is likely to upset the property crimes community.
The study was conducted over the last 2 years, using a team of 15 research assistants and the cooperation of several major convenience stores, gas stations, strip clubs, and other sites. Researchers carefully documented and then translated the slogans, limericks, and other messages that had been painted or scratched onto various surfaces of public restrooms throughout the state of California and Nevada, and analyzed them for accuracy.
"The results were very disappointing," said lead researcher, professor of English Norton Hammerschmidt. "It was actually quite unlikely to find a single independent scrawling that did not contain at least one spelling or grammar error. And even many of the pieces that were acceptable in those ways showed other flaws, such as inconsistent iambic pentameter usage in a poem about fecal matter, or a factual flaw in an image's portrayal of human anatomy."
In fact, the study found little positive to take away, but there are a few areas that provided insight into the problem. One noteworthy pattern was that there were fewer flaws in the graffiti within the stalls than without, suggesting that perhaps some of the issues could be mitigated with extra time or privacy. For this reason, one of their key interventions is to increase locks on bathroom doors, increase the use of dividers between urinals, and possibly even posting signs encouraging potential vandals to take a moment to compose their message before scratching it into the wall.
Researchers are currently working on an app for smartphones that would allow vandals to compose and save their messages for a future restroom visit, and it screens the messages for grammar and spelling issues, also offering suggestions to improve the message. They hope to release it to the public by 2020.
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